No Place like Texas
by thisRANDOMperson
Summary: Parody. If Sweeney were a Texan, how different would his arrival be from that of London? R&R.


**Hey people! It's me again. Well who else would it be? A wannabe version of me? Puh-lease.**

**So, this is a parody of No Place Like London. I'm not making these in order. The first one I made was the Worst Bras in London. I made that one with a friend, but this one I will make off the top of my mind, and by myself.**

**I don't own Sweeney Todd. But I do own the DVD, and a shirt that is ripped. And the Ramen cooking on the stove right now. :P**

**Enjoy xD**

The _Bountiful_ made its way through the green-blue water of the Gulf of Mexico. The water lapped gently against the sides of the large ship. A young cowboy (God knows why he was on a ship), about in his early twenties, walked up on deck, admiring the dry land they were coming to. The name of this weird supa-freak was Anthony Hope.

"I have seen the world, and loved its wonders! From hot Florida, to the hills of Hollywood, but there's no place like Texas!" He sang from his heart. Beside him, out of nowhere, popped up a Sweeney Todd, looking rather grouchy and pissed off. "No, there's no place like Texas."

Anthony looked curiously at him. Mr. Todd wore a dark jacket, black boots and a black cowboy hat that really didn't suit him. There were scars on his wrists that looked like shackles hung there for a long time, but clueless Anthony thought differently. _He must be an emo!...._ "Mr. Emo – err, Todd?"

"You ain't old. Life has been kind to you. You will burn…." Sweeney grumbled. Yes, if Anthony planned on living in the hell called Texas, he would surely burn within moments. "There's a state in the world, like a great hot pit, and the cowboys of the world inhabit it, and its morals are worth what a cow could shit, and it goes by the name of Texas. At the top of the state sit the sexy few, making mock of the cowboys in the lower zoo, turning beauty into filth and greed. I, too, have seen the world, and killed its wonders." Anthony backed away. "For the cruelty of men is as big as Alaska. But there's no place like Texas!"

Sweeney turned back around to Anthony and slapped him because cowboys are just like that. Finally, they arrived at Texas, where all that was ahead of them was desert and cactuses. Sweeney grumbles something, and kicked a cactus, which he regretted, because the needles stuck to him, and he fell over in pain. Anthony, the non-helpful-son-of-a-unic looked down at him. "Is everything alright, Mr. Todd?"

_Oh, no, Anthony. I'm just peachy and joygasmic. I'll just lie here, with a cactus sticking out of my bloody foot!_ "I beg your indulgence, Anthony. My mind is far from easy." He managed to yank the cactus out of his foot, and tossed it backwards. It crashed into Anthony's face. Ha. "In these once familiar plains and plateaus, I feel shadows….everywhere."

Anthony got the cactus out of his face, throwing it to the side. He looked up at the sky, which only held the sun, no clouds. "Shadows?"

"Ghosts." Sweeney walked ahead a few steps, and then sang again. "There was a cowboy and his gal, and she was purty. A foolish cowboy and his gal, she was his reason and his pal, and she was purty, and she was virtuous, and he was….naïve."

Anthony looked at him with a weird expression. _Why would someone consider their wife a pal?...._

_Because I was trying to rhyme!_ Sweeney's thoughts bellowed. Anthony cocked his head. _What the hell. I can hear his thoughts. I must have a close relationship with Jesus._

Sweeney continued his song. "There was another man who saw that she was purty. A pious sheriff of the law, who with a gesture of his claw removed the cowboy from his horse. Then, there was nothing but to force the gal to fall, so soft, so young, so lost and oh, so purty!!" He broke off at the last word, and Anthony burst out laughing. "Haha, what a sucker!" Sweeney kicked him in the balls and turned away. Anthony recovered fast, which was very creepy. "And the gal, sir…. Did she succumb?"

"Oh, that was many years ago. I doubt if anyone would know." He turned to Anthony. "I'd like to thank you. If you hadn't spotted me, I'd be lost on the ocean still."

"No you wouldn't, you'd prolly be _dead!!_" He started laughing. Sweeney glared at him. _Watch it, boy._ Anthony coughed and straightened up. "Will I see you again?"

"You might find me, if you like, around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder. Maybe I'll go to a bar." The dreamy thoughts of Bud Light filled his mind. Anthony held out his hand. "Until then, my friend." He heard Sweeney arguing with himself in his head. _I'll go to the bar. Grab a few drinks, and THEN find Lucy. Oh, but wouldn't she want you sober? Haha, who cares? That's her problem._ Sweeney ignored the outstretched hand, taking off through the sand. "There's a state in the world, like a great hot pit, and it's filled with people, who are filled with ticks, and the cowboys of the world inhabit it…."

**I prefer the last one I made. This one had its moments, but…. Yeah. So, send reviews. Hopefully kind ones. Yup yup yup yup yup, and ideas for another song from this glorious wonderful supercalifragilisticexpialidocious movie. Yes, I spelled that right. The laptop says so. XDD By the way, get on ****.com/**** and you can totally look up cool words like joygasmic. It's an awesome place. It has definitions for names. I am a person who apparently freaks out from the loss of pickles ;DDDD**


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